It is mind blowing to realise the connection from childhood when I was beaten up for something I had no control over

It is mind blowing to realise the connection from childhood when I was beaten up for something I had no control over. I stutter since I am two as I was already speaking perfectly then and got scared of doorbell at night, and always had nightmares of the boogie-man taking me away in his bag, cried nearly every day until I was 14... and many more bad things :( ...and all the way through to adulthood as my mom always found the way to hurt me emotionally up to date. Then the women in my life (I am 55) who transferred me to be a little scared rabbit from the healthy critic. I lost my personality. I got seriously ill and lost everything. I am divorcing again. I need my new me and a peaceful life. Though to face how bad this is and connected it is through the decades... Sorry for venting...